It’s not always the praise that gets you into the limelight. Sometimes insults might do the job. We all have been through that situation when we wanted to throw back a crisp reply to our enemies or to our ex’s message but never found the exact words to match our resentment. Worry not! As we gathered the best roasts for you.
Now, you don’t have to step back without expressing your feelings. Use these best roasts to pull your best friends’ leg, shut your enemy, or win an argument. You just gather the courage, we got you the voice.
Roasting can be fun and devastating too. I’ll not say to choose your words wisely, as it’s totally against the rules for roasting. Lol! But yeah, you can choose the person and situation wisely. We got you over 100 best roasts like “Hey, I found your nose in my business” and more. Get ready for a savage roasting session.
Even celebrities and big personalities like Donald Trump, Justin Bieber, Bob Saget, Charlie Sheen, and many others were not spared from savage roasts and comments. Remember that roast when Lisa Lampanelli remarked that “Trump had ruined more lives than bulimia”, Oh, God that was such a crushing moment.
160+ Remarkably Best Roasts For Friends, Enemies, Ex, and More
Here finally ends your wait. Go through these best roasts for enemies, for friends, and roasts for exes and leave them into incurable self-loathing. Have a good roast!!
Best Roasts For Enemies
Have you heard, stay one step ahead of your enemies? Well, that’s what we are preparing you for. Here are the best roasts for enemies, the headshot smashes!
- I was today years old when I realized I didn’t like you.
- Someday you’ll go far. And I really hope you stay there.
- Oops, my bad. I could’ve sworn I was dealing with an adult.
- I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?
- Remember that time you were saying that thing I didn’t care about? Yeah, that is now.
- You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
- I’m busy right now, can I ignore you another time?
- Oh, you don’t like being treated the way you treat me? That must suck.
- I wish I had a flip phone, so I could slam it shut on this conversation.
- N’Sync said it best, “BYE, BYE, BYE!”
- I’ve been called worse things by better men.
- You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
- Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.
- You bring everyone so much joy! You know, when you leave the room. But, still.
- You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
- It’s impossible to underestimate you.
- Wow, your maker really didn’t waste time giving you a personality, huh?
- Her teeth were so bad she could eat an apple through a fence.
- I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
- Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
- Hold still. I’m trying to imagine you with personality.
- I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
- You are the human version of period cramps.
- How many licks until I get to the interesting part of this conversation?
- Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.
- Your face makes onions cry.
- Did I invite you to the barbecue? Then why are you all up in my grill?
- Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! I still have mine.
- If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.
Best Roasts For Friends
Did someone talk about insults? How can we miss insulting our best friends? After all, we have full rights to do so. Here are the best funny compliments for friends that you can try on them. Have a good roast!! These are probably the best insults for friends!
- You’re cute, like my dog. He also chases his tail for entertainment.
- You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
- You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?
- Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
- Your face is just fine, but we’ll have to put a bag over that personality.
- I’m not a nerd. I’m just smarter than you.
- I may love to shop but I will never buy your bull.
- Child, I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew.
- I’m an acquired taste. If you don’t like me, acquire some taste.
- Bye. Hope to see you never.
- Don’t worry, the first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest.
- If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
- The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded.
- If you have a problem with me, write the problem on a piece of paper, fold it, and shove it up to your ass.
- Complete this sentence for me: “I never want to see you ————!”
- I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
- You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
- Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today?
- OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!
- Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
- I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
- I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies, how silly of me.
- Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
- I’d rather treat my baby’s diaper rash than have lunch with you.
- You look so pretty. Not at all gross, today.
- I only take you everywhere I go, so I don’t have to kiss you goodbye.
- We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, we’ve been married for 10 years.
- When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you?
- Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.
- You sound like a problem.
Roasts To Shut-Down An Argument
How satisfying it is to win an argument. Ahh!! What a feeling. Feels like we have won a marathon. To give you the same experience we have some hilarious, brutal roasts to shut down an argument.
- Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
- You should really come with a warning label.
- I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.
- If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.
- I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.
- Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.
- Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.
- Don’t you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning?
- The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.
- Do you see that door? I want you on the other side of it.
- Please just tell me you don’t plan to home-school your kids.
- If you’re going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard.
- If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
- Isn’t there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?
- Jesus might love you, but everyone else definitely thinks you’re an idiot.
- You look like a ‘before picture.
- Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up?
- May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm.
- I am returning your nose. I found it in my business.
- What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.
- Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon.
- I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.
- Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
- Your only purpose in life is to become an organ donor.
- Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning, thundercloud?
- Earth is full. Go home.
- You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
- There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.
- Aww, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.
- You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about.
Best Roasts For Ex
I know you were eagerly waiting for this one. You creepy heads!! I guess the best feeling comes from roasting your ex. It’s the perfect time to throw sarcastic words on her for ending your credit card limits and then dumping you. Here are few satirical roasts for your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend.
- Ex means thanks for the EXperience, our time has EXpired, now EXit my life.
- Yes, I’m smiling but you’re not the reason anymore.
- Relationships are a lot like algebra. Sometimes you look at your ex and wonder why?
- I’m not really a bitch. I just play one in your life.
- I would tell you to go f*ck yourself but I’m pretty sure you’d be disappointed.
- My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
- Taking your ex, back is like going to a garage sale and buying back your own crap!
- I used to be f*cking stupid. But then I dumped him.
- What I like best about our relationship is you’re no longer in it.
- “You look 100 percent better when I can’t see you.”
- “Waiting for you is like waiting for the rain in this drought: useless and disappointing.”
- “You were fake. It was great. Nothing personal.”
- “Crying after a breakup — ain’t no one got time for that.”
- “I don’t make mistakes, I date them.”
- “I’m not really a b****. I just play one in your life.”
- “The day I need a friend like you, I’ll just have myself a little squat and s*** one out.”
- “I would tell you to go f*** yourself but I’m pretty sure you’d be disappointed.”
- “My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.”
- “Do you get whiplash watching me surpass you in every way?”
- “So we’re breaking up, but still can be friends? Tell me more about how our new friendship could work.”
- “Ex means thanks for the EXperience, our time has Expired, now Exit my life.”
- “Yes, I’m smiling but you’re not the reason anymore.”
- “Good luck finding someone who will put up with your bulls*** as well as I did.”
- “Taking your ex back is like going to a garage sale and buying back your own crap!”
- “You’re not even worth the calories I burn talking to you.”
- “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
- “Today my professor told me every cell in our entire body is destroyed and replaced every seven years. How comforting it is to know one day I will have a body you never touched.”
- “Him: ‘Hey, been a long time. Can I come over? Me: ‘I already have some trash in the bin, I don’t need more.’”
- “My ex: *sends me a pic of the two of us* ‘I miss you.’ Me: ‘Who’s this?’”
- “If you’re happy and you know it, thank you ex!”
- “I thought you took my breath away, but I was just suffocated with your BS.”
- “Him: ‘B****.’ Me: ‘Ha. I’ve been called worse.’ Him: ‘Like?’ Me: ‘Your girlfriend.’”
- I used to be f***ing stupid. But then I dumped him.”
- “What I like best about our relationship is you’re no longer in it.”
- “I’m sorry, I thought I unsubscribed?”
- “There really are a lot of f***ing fish in the sea. Cheer up. Everyone can be replaced.”
Best Roasts For Your Teachers
Aha!! This is my favorite one. It’s always fun to tease our teachers, especially those who give us fewer grades in-class tests. Do take full advantage of these best roasts for your teachers to have fun in class.
Best Chemistry Teacher Jokes
1.Two guys walk into a bar. The first says he’ll have some H2O.
The second says he’ll have some H2O2. He died.
2. Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming
3. Anyone knows any jokes about sodium?
4. What’s a tornado’s favorite game?
5. Why can’t you trust an atom?
They make up everything!
6. What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?
Keep trying until you get a reaction.
7. How do you know Saturn was married more than once?
Because it has a lot of rings.
8. What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags its tail and the other tags a whale.
9. Why didn’t the sun go to college?
It already had a million degrees.
10. I just read a book about Helium.
It was so good, I couldn’t put it down.
11.Why do people make bad chemistry jokes?
Because of all the good ones Argon.
12. Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.
13. A red blood cell walked into a busy restaurant. The hostess asked, “Would you like to sit at the bar?”
The red cell replied, “No, thanks. I’ll just circulate.”
14. Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK.
15. Be like a proton.
Always stay positive.
16. Where do hippos go to college?
17. One tectonic plate bumps into another.
“Oops! My fault!” It says.
18. Why did the attacking army use acid?
To neutralize the enemy’s base.
Math Teacher Jokes
- Not all math puns are bad.
- Why did I divide sin by tan?
- What did the zero say to the eight?
- You know what seems odd to me?
Numbers that can’t be divided by two.
- Never trust a math teacher with graph paper in their hands.
They’re plotting something.
- Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had so many problems.
- What did one math book say to the other?
Don’t bother me, I’ve got my own problems.
- A farmer counted 298 cows in his field.
When he rounded them up, he had 300.
- Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame that they’ll never meet.
- Have you heard the latest statistics joke?
- There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
- Did you hear about the mathematicians who are afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
- Why couldn’t the number four get into the club?
Because he was too square.
- Why do teenagers always go out in groups of threes or fives?
Because they “can’t even.”
- What do you call friends who love math?
- Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there’s no point.
- Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
- Why was the fraction afraid to marry the decimal?
Because he would have to convert.
- What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A pumpkin pie.
- Why did the geometry teacher miss school?
She sprained her angle.
- Why was the geometry class so tired?
They were all out of shape.
- Decimals have a point, you know.
- Why is the corner of the room always the hottest?
It’s 90 degrees.
- What’s a math teacher’s favorite kind of dancing?
English Teacher Jokes
- I just finished this book on Mount Everest.
It’s a real cliff-hanger
- Knock, knock.
- Yesterday a book fell on my head.
I only have my shelf to blame.
- The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
- Why does the ghost always need more books?
She goes through them too quickly.
- Let’s eat Grandma!
Let’s eat, Grandma!
Punctuation saves lives.
- What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
Cats have claws at the end of their paws and commas are a pause at the end of a clause.
- What does a book do to get thinner?
It gets its appendix removed.
- Why are writers always cold?
They’re surrounded by drafts.
- I’m assigning three chapters this weekend.
Go ahead and tell your friends that you’re “booked.”
- Three transitive verbs walk into a bar.
They sit. They drink. They leave.
- Two elves walk into a bar.
The hobbit laughs and walks under it.
- Why did the run-on sentence think it was pregnant?
Its period was late.
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Best Roasts From Athletes – Comedy Central Roast!
Ah-ha! Don’t miss out on Athlete roasts! I swear you won’t stop laughing hard.
Nikki Glaser’s Best Roast Moments!
If you haven’t watched Nikki Glaser getting roasted, you have missed a lot! Here are the most hilarious Nikki Glaser’s Roast moments!
Hope now you feel a little more confident and fierce after reading these roasts. These were some of the best roasts of all time you’ll find on the internet. Don’t go harsh. Keep the mood light and jolly.
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